Past Present Future
by Lluniwr Geiriau
Summary: Madge Undersee doesn't have the perfect life everyone resents her for. They can't see the bruises under her fine clothes or the abuse behind the doors of her grand home. When she makes a stand who will stand beside her? WARNING !ABUSE! & !VIOLENCE!
1. Chapter 1

I hate this, loathe it. Being paraded around like a prize pony donned in ribbons. My father insists on this at least once a day, a walk down to the general store. I realized a long time ago this was all for show, he doesn't like spending time with me, he likes showing off his perfect daughter and fine clothes and rub how perfect and happy we are in everyone's faces. I used to love these walks but it wasn't long before I got too old to skip beside my father I realized their purpose and now I hate them, loathe them. At 14 I'm not oblivious to the sneers anymore, how people laugh at the vapid mayor's daughter but even so, I smile and nod my acknowledgement politely. I wonder sometimes if it's worth it, if the dirty looks hurt more than the broken bones, if a few friends might be worth bruised ribs and a bloody nose, if maybe the next time he gets drunk my injuries won't seem as bad if I've got someone to help me tend them.

"Mr. Mayor, Miss" the red headed boy who stands before us is the sheriff, Fletcher Boggs' son, I think he's about 17. He goes to the creek with the other boys like Mr. Mellark the baker's sons and the barber's son Marvel and is always kind and polite, to my face at least. What would be so terrible about us being friends, what harm could it possibly do? I think I know the answer to that. I had friends once, a long time ago before my mother died, I wasn't always alone but I am now and I'm pretty certain my father is the reason I don't see the Mellark's anymore. I'm sure he sent them away when they came calling, threatened them even.

"Ah Darius, how is your father?" my father's tone never quite loses its edge of superiority, it's not as prominent when he's angry but it oozes from his every pore when he's speaking to anyone in town

"He's well, thank you Mr. Mayor and yourself?"

"I'm well" no thank you, no kindness

"And you Miss?" I startle when I realize the boy is addressing me and look to my father for some clue as to how I should proceed. His face is reddened from exertion, heat and irritation and I worry for the red haired boy but his expression gives away nothing so I turn my attention back to the boy

"I am well, thank you ... Darius" I say carefully, he smiles encouragingly and hesitantly I return it "yourself?" my father exhales through his nose and my spine stiffens, I can't help the shudder but at least I didn't flinch this time

"I'm glad to hear it Miss and have absolutely naught to complain about" he chuckles "though my father would have you believe differently" I smile at his joke but refrain from laughing because my father's cheeks are growing redder by the second. The boy, Darius, looks at my father then at me with an almost sympathetic smile "good day Mr. Mayor, Miss"

"Yes goodbye" my father says coolly

"Goodbye" I whisper to myself.

The bell on the door at the general store chimes above our heads as we enter, the windows have been left open to circulate the stale air and allow any breeze that might grace us in this heat into the room. Mr. Cartright is behind the counter with his back to us, refilling the sweet jars. My mouth waters at the thought. He slipped me a piece of hard boiled candy once, strawberry flavoured, it was the best thing I ever tasted. I don't know what happened but my father was angry, Mr. Cartright got sick and Delly stopped talking to me in school. Not that it mattered, my father pulled me out for home schooling shortly after

"I'll be right with you" he calls

"Take your time" my father gripes, Mr. Cartright nearly falls off his step ladder and I cringe when my father smiles to himself

"Mr. Mayor, you're early" the greying blonde man sputters

"We have to come here at a scheduled time?" my father challenges, Mr. Cartright pales, we are early and I'm certain my father has done this on purpose to make Mr. Cartright uncomfortable

"No" Mr. Cartright offers quickly "of course not, what can I help you with?"

"The usual" my father is still smirking at Mr. Cartright's anxiety "and some chocolate for Madge" both myself and Mr. Cartright look at my father with uncertainty. He doesn't even acknowledge my existence normally, just brings me along because a woman's clothes can portray wealth more obviously than a man's. He's never bought me anything like this before, a genuine treat that didn't benefit him in some way

"Right away" Mr. Cartright busies himself with collecting my father's tobacco and cigars then looks back at us uncomfortably "how much chocolate?"

"About a pound ought to do it" I stop myself from gasping "bye now" my father calls with false courtesy.

I don't know why I didn't see it, it was naive of me to believe even this small act of anything but cruelty. My father unwraps the chocolate before we've even crossed the street and breaks off a chunk

"Mmmm, that's delicious" he exaggerates "really very good, if you'd behaved yourself you could've had some" he finishes the entire slab of chocolate before we're even back at the house. I've never felt more stupid "I have dinner guests tonight, go and practice the piano" my father demands as he closes the door behind us. Playing the piano and composing music offers a short escape from this, the nastiness, the insults, the smacks, allows me to be somewhere else for a while, it's not always enough but it's the best I have, all I have.

I let my fingers drift over the keys and my eyelids drift shut, the notes encompass me and everything around me falls away. I play from memory, doing what feels right rather than reading from the pages before me and as usual when I let my mind clear like this I feel myself tearing up. There are tears for my mother, my lost friends, my lost life, the life I now live. I only stop playing when my father calls from downstairs that he wants me to start dinner. It's dark out, almost nightfall and as always there's someone watching me through the window. It scared me at first, the dark figure that I wasn't sure was actually there. I only ever catch quick glimpses as I open my eyes and then it's gone, just a figment of my imagination. But it's there, everyday, without fail.

We used to have a maid that would cook our meals. When I was 11 she asked about the bruising around my neck, my father fired her. I don't mind cooking though, now that I know what I'm doing I almost enjoy it. Never completely though, the fear still lingers. The kitchen, I've learnt, is the most dangerous room in the house. Most of the scars I'll never lose are product of this kitchen, mostly burns from being pressed against the stove but also the raised little bumps like brail on my legs from being stabbed in the thigh with forks. Yes, the kitchen is definitely the most dangerous room in the house.

I'm careful as I place my father's plate before him, if he doesn't like what I've cooked there's a chance I may have to duck the plate. That's not the case though and he gestures for me to take a seat

"You were very stupid to talk to that boy today Madge" I put my fork back down in its place "you're not to speak to him again Madge"

"Yes father"

"Good, because if I find out you do you'll both be in big trouble" when I meet my father's gaze he looks smug, that wasn't a threat towards me, he doesn't bother threatening me anymore because I know it's coming whether I do as he says or not. That was a threat towards Darius, the kind red haired boy who did nothing wrong

"Yes father"

"Now go to bed" I stand with my untouched plate then collect his empty one and take them to the kitchen. I manage to scoop a few forkfuls of potato into my mouth before my father strolls into the kitchen behind me. I return to washing his plate and hope he won't notice the missing food. I know when he sees it because he leaves the room and returns with his scotch decanter and a full tumbler which he knocks back in two. I brace myself for what's to come.

Though his frame is short and rounding his fist is solid and heavy. I bite through my tongue when it connects with my cheek. The punch is followed swiftly by a knee to my stomach and then he's gripping me by my hair and dragging me out of the kitchen into the foyer. He shoves me, sputtering towards the stairs and I fall to my hands and knees, the bottom step digging into my shins.

"Go now!" he snarls "now!" I clamber to my feet but lose my balance and have to take the stairs on all fours. When I realize he's behind me I try to move faster but I can feel his proximity and when I reach the top he takes a hold of my hair again and drags me toward my room. He stops before we get there and opens the linen closet. I hear the door slam and the lock click and curl up in a ball on the floor. It wasn't as bad as it could've been I suppose.

When I wake the following morning my spine is throbbing and aching from being bent in two all night. The blood that poured from my nose and mouth is dry and cloying and my head feels like it might explode. There's a sliver of light creeping under the door but otherwise I'm in complete darkness, I don't know how early it is but I know it's day at least.


	2. Chapter 2

It's a long time before he lets me out to make breakfast. He doesn't say anything, just opens the door and walks away, still I wait a minute before getting to my feet. My hair is matted and has clumped together at the ends with dried blood. My face is swollen so I won't be going out for a while and you can most certainly tell I slept in a ball last night. I shed my rumpled clothes and my muscles burn as I lower myself into the empty bath tub. I let the warm water run and revel in the feel of it massaging my muscles. I wash my hair and allow myself a few more minutes in the water before I climb out and go down stairs to start breakfast.

"I'm going away" I startle at my father's voice and drop the plate in my hand so it clatters to the counter "be careful Madge!"

"Sorry" I mumble, he sighs as if exasperated

"As I was saying. I'm going away for a few days, I have business in the city"

"Okay" away? My father never goes away

"I've asked your aunt Effie to check in on you but you are not to bother her, do you understand?"

"Yes" I agree quickly "how long will you be gone?"

"A week, no more. It's an important trip so I don't expect to be bothered with any of your nonsense"

"Of course not" I agree, trying not to show just how excited I am. A week, an entire week and the only way he could reach me is by telegram.

He leaves on a stage coach right after breakfast and for an hour I don't know what to do with myself. I clear away our breakfast dishes, sweep the entirety of the ground floor unnecessarily and even write some music but that only takes up so much time.

I decide if all I have is this week I'm going to make the most of it so I change my clothes, comb my hair again and tie two strands back with a ribbon then collect the small amount of coins I have hidden in my music box. Before closing it I catch my reflection in the small mirror inside and quickly cover my bruising cheek in powder. There's nothing I can do about the swelling but for now I don't really care.

"Madge" Mr. Cartright gasps a little when he sees me and immediately looks for my father "I mean, my apologies, Miss. Undersee"

"Madge is fine" I can't wipe the smile off my face. I haven't been out on my own since my father took me out of school

"What can I help you with today?" there's still a hint of worry in his tone but he smiles

"I - I don't actually" I hadn't even thought about actually buying anything, I just wanted to leave the house and my legs carried me here "I -" my face burns with embarrassment and Mr. Cartright gives me a look so pitying I can't help but feel pathetic

"How about some candy? If I remember correctly, strawberry was your favorite?"

"Yes" I say all too eagerly and Mr. Cartright smiles but the pity is still there

"Here you go"

"Oh" the bag is much too full, I'll only just have enough "I-"

"No need Miss. Undersee" Mr. Cartright curls my fingers back around the coins

"I couldn't possibly-"

"Please" he cuts me off "give an old man some piece of mind" I have no idea what he means but I can't just take from him "it's just a bit of candy"

"But I-"

"Please" he murmurs again almost desperately

"Thank you Mr. Cartright, that's very kind"

"You're welcome Madge" this time his smile seems guilty but it's nice to have someone use my name without malice. I'm about to leave when I turn back to him

"If it's not too much trouble ... could you perhaps ... maybe say hello to Delly for me?" he looks as close to tears as I feel

"I'll be sure to tell her"

"Thank you".

I haven't been to the bakery since I was a child and walking past each day smelling the aromas of fresh bread without then eating it is torture to the senses. I savor the experience, first taking my time to look at the finely decorated treats in the window, taking deep breaths as if to store the scent for later. I look past the trays of cookies and rolls to the handsome blonde behind the counter. Rye Mellark had been my best friend in school, we were inseparable, people used to joke that we'd get married. I hear it's likely he and Delly will when they finish school. Rye is two years older than Delly and I but his younger brother Peeta is our age and just like Rye he was warm and friendly. He didn't have Rye's wickedness but he did have a softness Rye never did. Peeta is just like their father, known for his kindness, even as a small boy he'd go out of his way to try and make someone's day better. The four of us used to follow the eldest Mellark - Bannock around, he's two years older than Rye and four years older than the rest of us. Even so he'd always be willing to play with us.

I realize I'm about to cry and look up in an attempt to prevent it only to catch Rye's eyes as he moves biscuits from a tray to a cooling rack. His eyes widen comically when he sees me but then he's grinning, the smile stretching from ear to ear.

I step into the bakery only to have the air knocked out of me as Rye crushes me. I freeze at first, not used to the contact and tears threaten when I realize this is the first nonviolent touch I've felt in years

"Hello" I whisper

"Hello Madge" he sighs, squeezing me tighter

"How are you?"

"C'mon Madge, don't talk like we're strangers, I've missed you" I neglect to tell him that we have in fact become strangers to one another

"I've missed you too" I tell him with a watery smile. He lets me go and pulls out two seats for us behind the counter "you look good"

"Didn't I always?" he grins

"You look older"

"That's what happens Madge, I barely recognized you"

"Please I've hardly changed"

"Are you joking, the last time I saw you, you were chubby and buck toothed and you had all that ratty yellow hair" he teases, pulling a face. I smile at his joke then his tone sours "where have you been Madge?"

"I haven't been anywhere" I mumble though I know I'm not fooling him

"You just disappeared"

"I walk past here every day"

"You know what I'm talking about Madge. We miss you"

"I miss you too" he hugs me again and I sniff because I refuse to cry "I hear you plan to make Delly a Mellark?"

"Darn Madge she's only 14"

"So you don't?" I challenge with raised eyebrows

"Oh I do, just not for a little while at least"

"Good, I'm glad you're happy"

"What about you? Are you happy?" I pale at the thought of answering

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Maybe because when you walk by here every day you look like someone just drowned your puppy"

"I do not!" I know I don't, I always smile, always, I learnt I had to do that years ago

"Not to anyone you didn't used to bathe with but the hours we spent in that tub mean I know you better than you know yourself" I know he's trying to lighten the mood but even he can't bring himself to joke

"I'm fine" I insist, too worried to be embarrassed

"I don't believe you"

"I don't care" Rye opens his mouth to reply but never gets the chance

"Rye, if you're slacking off again Dad is gonna be so peeved" Peeta gapes when he spots me and just like Rye, crushes me into his chest so hard I'm left breathless. I sit with them for an hour, the looks I get from their customers don't go unnoticed but were to be expected. I never leave the house and if I do it's to go to the store with my father. Rye and Peeta make me promise to come back and I promise them I'll be back every day this week, I don't mention anything after that.

When I get home I feel better than I have in years and it saddens me that eventually things will go back to normal. I play piano until nightfall as usual and again when I open my eyes there's a tear on my cheek and a silhouette crouched on the sill outside my window. I never really thought about checking the window before because I've always thought it was my imagination or something I dreamed up as some form of company but tonight I do consider it. I'm half way across my bedroom when there's a knock on the door downstairs.

"Hello Dear" I don't see my aunt Effie often, her and my father never really got on as children and only talk now when they have to but as far as I know she's a nice enough woman. She used to send me the most beautiful gifts on my birthdays until my father started sending them back. I remember being told I looked like her and I suppose under her frills and lip paint we probably do bare a resemblance. She and her son Cato are my only living relatives but like I said, I don't see them much. Effie moved out of town before I was born because her pregnancy was some sort of scandal and Cato has been away at boarding school up until a few months ago, I'm not entirely sure we've ever even met

"Aunt Effie, come in"

"First things first, as you probably guessed, this is Cato, your cousin. Cato this is Madge" The man who follows her through the door is not at all what I was expecting. The men in my family have always been short, Cato's father can't have been because the man before me is over six feet tall, he has his mother's blonde hair and blue eyes like me but his facial features are nothing like Effie's soft curved ones. His jaw line and cheek bones are high and square, his nose is perfectly straight and he has a lean athletic build

"It's nice to finally meet you" I say bobbing my head slightly

"Likewise"

"Now I'm sure your father told you we'd be coming by to see you"

"Yes" I nod

"Very good, now the thing is I don't think it's proper or safe to have a young girl like yourself alone in this big old house so I'd be much more comfortable if you'd accept my offer to come and stay with us for a little while"

"Oh I-" I have no idea what to do

"We needn't tell your father Dear" Effie smiles and rubs my arm as if her reading my mind was completely normal

"I'm just not sure I should leave the house completely unoccupied" it's partly true, my father has enough enemies that the opportunity might be too great to pass up

"Well then Cato will stay here with you"

"Wha- I- You'll be on your own"

"Like I have been for almost 10 years you mean"

"I - Okay"

"Fabulous, I'll come back tomorrow for dinner"

"Okay" I mumble, completely bewildered

"Goodnight darlings" Effie chirps and kisses both our cheeks "look after this dear girl won't you"

"Of course Mom"

"That's my boy, Goodnight now" I watch her leave completely speechless. Effie Trinket - she kept my grandmas maiden name. I suspect my grandfather and she had a similar relationship to the one I have with my father - sure is a one of a kind. I turn to Cato and still have no words, how am I expected to stay alone here with someone I've never even met before

"Sorry" I look up at Cato questioningly "that all happened rather fast didn't it, she's like that sometimes"

"What?" I'm still trying to process what just happened

"She just likes to be in control, I think it's because my dad left"

"It's okay, I just - it did all happen rather fast"

"I'll tell you what, why don't you show me to the kitchen and I'll make us some tea"

"This way".

I sit in the parlor with my tea in my hands and Cato on the leather upholstered couch opposite me

"So I don't know much about you except that you're my cousin and we apparently look alike"

"I guess"

"Let's start easy, how old are you?"

"14"

"Great, I'm 17. Do you have any hobbies?"

"I like music" I answer feebly "piano"

"Really? Wow, my mom always said I should play an instrument I regret not having lessons now" I feel bad that he's trying so hard and I'm not even meeting him half way so I smile and sit up straighter

"I could teach you a little if you'd like" he grins, having gotten a semi enthusiastic response

"I'd like that, what else do you enjoy?" What else is there really? Cooking, cleaning, other basic chores, the daily walk to the general store, I'm a wiz when it comes to covering up a black eye but that doesn't mean I enjoy it

"I write music too"

"Are you any good?" I shrug

"What about you?"

"Well I've been at school in the city for the last five years so anything home related, I really missed my mom, don't repeat that" I laugh a little bit with him "and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you, I don't really have any other family"

"Me either"

"So it's just us then?"

"Yep, I can't promise I'm going to be much fun"

"Nonsense, we'll have a riot, just call me Crazy Cousin Cato" I laugh at his hand gestures and the face he pulls

"And you can call me Mad Madge"

"See we already have nicknames, now what d'you say you give me my first piano lesson?"

"It's a little late"

"That's true ... but we're the only one's here".

An hour later my sides hurt I'm laughing so much. It's safe to say Cato doesn't exactly have a natural gift with piano

"Why are you laughing? That was right" Cato asks struggling to hold back his own laughter

"I promise you it wasn't"

"You sai E, that's what I did"

"Then why does it sound lik D"

"I don't know maybe your piano needs tuning, it sounds just fine to me"

"My piano is just fine and if anything needs tuning it's your ears"

"I'll call it quits for now then, you should probably get some sleep"

"Sure, I'll show you to your room" we have four guest bedrooms that have never been used and I show Cato to the one with the biggest bed "they aren't used very often, or ever so I'll have to get you some bedding but there's a wash room just through there"

"Thank you"

"I'll get you some pillows"

"That's okay I'll do it"

"I'll get the pillows, there are blankets in the linen closet by my room" I tell him. When I return with pillows from one of the other guest rooms Cato is crouched down in front of the linen closet "are you okay?" I make my way to Cato and follow his gaze to the red patch of carpet where I slept just last night. I drop the pillows and the warming pan I'd collected for him when he looks up at me

"Is that blood?".


	3. Chapter 3

I remain frozen for an immeasurable amount of time before gaining some sense of clarity

"I- no- I don't know" I stammer idiotically

"That's odd"

"Yes, I'll have to ask my father about it. Here are your pillows" I say quickly picking them up and shoving them at him

"Oh thanks"

"It's late, we should probably get some sleep"

"You're right" Cato stands and stretches then collects bed linens, the pillows and the warming pan from the floor "goodnight Mad Madge"

"Crazy Cousin Cato" I tip my head and let my lips curl up in a smile.

I wake later than usual the next morning and scare myself half to death when I find Cato in the kitchen

"I'd forgotten you were here" I tell him clutching my hands to my chest "how did you sleep?"

"Sorry to have startled you" he smirks "and very well thank you, yourself?"

"Fine, thank you"

"Would you like some breakfast? I hope you don't mind, I wanted to have it ready by the time you woke"

"That's very nice of you, thank you" Cato smiles at me over his shoulder and continues to push scrambled eggs around a frying pan with a wooden spoon "I- I was going to visit my friends at the bakery today, would you- would you like to come?"

"I'd like that" he smiles at me again and moves the eggs over to two plates "I had a friend before I went away to school, I wonder if you know him, Darius? Boggs?"

"Yes I know him, his father is the sheriff now"

"Really?" I nod

"We could go and see him this afternoon if you'd like" I offer before really thinking about it. My father had threatened Darius just days ago and here I am planning to actively seek him out

"That would be great" Cato grins again and sets a plate in front of me on the counter. I knot forms in my stomach as I realize it's too late to take back the offer

"Thank you"

"So who are these friends of yours? It would be nice to familiarize myself with the people in town again"

"The Mellark's, they've always owned the bakery"

"Yes I remember, I couldn't tell you how many bakeries I went to in search of cookies half as good as theirs. Would you believe it, not one place in the city even came close"

"I find that very easy to believe, Peeta's oatmeal raisin cookies are something else"

"Peeta?"

"He's the youngest of Mr. Mellark's three sons, then there's Rye and Bannock"

"Their names sound familiar, what time did you want to visit?"

"I'll just get dressed and then I'm ready when you are" I wash our plates quickly, eager to get to the bakery and take the stares two at a time with minor protest from my shins.

Just like yesterday Rye hugs me for at least a minute when I first walk in to the bakery. Peeta is waiting with him today and pulls me into his arms before I'm completely free of Rye

"Peeta, Rye, this is Cato, my cousin, he's just returned from school in the city"

"Yes, I think I remember you" Rye says as he shakes Cato's hand, Peeta tips his head "the city must be very different?"

"Yes but I'm glad to be home"

"Cato has a preference for Mellark's cookies" I explain

"Most do" Rye jokes "any type in particular?" he asks moving around the counter

"Mad Madge here suggested oatmeal raisin" I blush and Rye bags up Cato's cookies

"On us" he says pressing the bag to Cato "just make sure you share them with Mad Madge" he teases

"We told dad you stopped by" Peeta adds "he said to tell you sorry he missed you yesterday and that he couldn't be here today but he'll be sure to stick around tomorrow if you're still going to come by"

"Oh yes, I'd like to see him, I'll be here. Now tell me everything I've missed, starting with how you and Delly came to be?" Peeta snorts and Rye scratches the back of his head, making the rest of us laugh.

We stay at the bakery until mid-afternoon and I can't remember the last time I felt this ... safe. I dread the day my father returns but resolve to make the most of this time. Reluctantly we leave the bakery for the jailhouse down the street. I point out the general store when we pass it and the barbers

"I remember most of it but what's down there? Wasn't it the blacksmith's workshop?" Cato asks pointing to the newest, biggest building in town

"That's the saloon and much to my father's dismay, cat house. The workshop is still there but the blacksmith - Hunter Hawthorne, he died a few years ago. His family still lives there, they rent the house off Haymitch Abbernathy. Some drunk with more money than he knows what to do with, he's the one who built the saloon. My father tried to stop it when he learnt he was whoring women out but never got his way" those few months were particularly painful because my father was continuously angry. I suspect Mr. Abbernathy is paying my father to keep quiet

"A whorehouse in little old Panem?" Cato muses "and right under the sheriffs nose?" he chuckles having noticed just how close the two buildings are

"I don't think it's as scandalous as it seems. Abbernathy takes in the girls who have nowhere else to go, I don't think they're forced into anything"

"What happened to the clinic? There was a lady doctor wasn't there?"

"Yes" I confirm sadly "Evelyn Everdeen, she's still a healer but her husband Archer was killed in the same fire as Mr. Hawthorne, she and her two daughters live with the Hawthorne's"

"I'm sad to hear that"

"Yes, Hunter Hawthorne left behind four children"

"Four? I only remember one"

"Gale? He'd be sixteen now, you'd have been in the same early school class"

"Yeah Gale sounds right. Tell me, what else have I missed?"

"Not much else, Darius' father became sheriff, a rich alcoholic built a cathouse, Beetee - do you remember Beetee?" Cato nods

"He run the telegraph office?"

"Yes, well he got married"

"Married? Wasn't he a little ..." Cato makes a gesture for crazy and I stifle a laugh

"Yes but his new wife Wiress has what he's missing. They're really quite adorable, finishing each other's sentences and such. I met them on their wedding day and I've heard then in the store once or twice. Here we are" I say gesturing to the jailhouse "Darius should be here"

"You aren't coming in?" I hesitate, remembering my father's threats

"I- of course" I straighten my back and take the few steps up to the door.

"Miss Undersee" Darius stands and looks at me in disbelief

"Afternoon Mr. Boggs"

"Oh Darius please, what can I do for you?"

"Actually -" I gesture to Cato who steps forward and shakes Darius' hand

"This your fellow Miss Undersee?" Darius asks teasingly, I flush and Cato chuckles

"Charming" he scoffs "I'm gone a little while and you forget all about me" Darius' brow furrows as he looks at Cato again then a spark of recognition lights up his eyes

"Well I'll be damned"

"Hello old friend" Cato chuckles as Darius embraces him with one arm

"Cato, how long has it been?"

"A little over ten years"

"Ten years?! Really? That long?"

"That long"

"Are you back for good? I'd like to catch up, perhaps a drink at Abbernathy's?"

"Great" Cato agrees enthusiastically "but" Cato looks back at me "I can't, I'm staying with Madge" at this Darius' eyebrows shoot up

"I'm his cousin" I inform him quickly

"Oh I see" Darius laughs

"But you should go Cato"

"I really shouldn't, I'm sorry Darius I'm spending this week with Madge" I smile finds its way to my face when he doesn't say the words bitterly, he sounds almost excited

"Of course you should, we'll have dinner with your mother then you can go and meet Darius" I tell him not quite firmly

"I can't just leave you on your own"

"I'll be fine for a few hours" I argue

"I don't know"

"He'll meet you there" I tell Darius who smirks.


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner with Aunt Effie is … different. I can't remember the last time I laughed at this table or sat down to what resembles a family meal. Cato regales us with stories of his time in the city, of how it was a wonderful experience but he missed a lot, nothing more so than his dear mother. To which Aunt Effie gushes and admonishes him adoringly.

"Tell me, how have you two kept yourselves entertained today?" Aunt Effie asks, dabbing at her pristine lips with a handkerchief. The answer sets my mind reeling. I haven't had a day like that in as long as I can remember. My father doesn't drink every day, some days he doesn't do anything but skulk around the house or board himself up in his office but I've never gone a full week without new bruises, that's the worst part, by the time a bruise is yellowing and beginning to fade another dark purple one replaces it.

Today I left the house, not necessarily without fear but I don't believe anyone would tell my father about me leaving. My father is not a well-liked man, most people avoid him.

"Madge showed me around town" Cato tells his mother

"Oh how lovely"

"We spent the morning in the bakery and then we went to see Darius, do you remember Darius mom?"

"Of course, such a mischievous little thing" she reminisces fondly "a handful I'm sure but very polite and how could anyone forget his lovely red hair. How is he?"

"He's well, his father is sheriff now"

"Yes I'd heard, a very good man for the job, don't you think Madge?" I startle a little at my name, I was more than happy to listen to the happy chatter, it's so much better than anything else said around this table

"Oh yes" I agree not one hundred percent sure if I answered correctly

"He's a very moral man, very fair" she says with an air of respect "you could do a lot worse than a Bogg's for a friend" I use this chance to bring up Darius' invite because I'm almost sure Cato won't go without being pushed

"Darius invited Cato out this evening, to catch up"

"Oh really? How lovely"

"I'm not sure I should go"

"Well of course you should"

"Madge will be alone"

"Nonsense I'm sure Madge would be grateful of some female company, isn't that right dear?" she says turning to me

"Y-yes"

"There, it's settled, where will you be going?" Cato smiles and shakes his head at his mother, murmuring something about being ganged up on

"Darius mentioned a drink at Abbernathy's" at that Effie pales, thinking about it a saloon is likely the last place she'd want her son

"Oh? Is that- is that so?" it's the first time I've seen her flustered "and will you be drinking?"

"I don't have to go-"

"Nonsense, of course you will. It's bad manners to cancel an arrangement and Darius really is such a nice boy"

"I won't be long, maybe an hour"

"Don't be silly darling, take as long as you need".

The second Cato leaves Aunt Effie becomes a roiling ball of anxiety, I think she actually chews a nail at one point but quickly pulls on a pair of white satin gloves when she realizes. I make lemon tea in the hopes it might calm her but she continues to fuss and fidget

"Aunt Effie?"

"Yes dear?" she answers too quickly, looking away from the grandfather clock in the parlour and at me for the first time

"I'm sure he's just fine"

"Why of course he is" yet she continues to watch the hands of the clock tick

"Aunt Effie, is something wrong?"

"No of course not" I was expecting a little trepidation, Abbernathy's saloon is everything a proper lady like Aunt Effie despises, drinking, gambling, saloon girls but this is more than that. I follow her gaze to the clock and I'm surprised by how late it is. A sense of guilt overcomes me and out of nowhere I realize I'm normally sat before my piano by now. It's the sense of someone waiting for me that makes me speak again

"Aunt Effie?"

"Yes dear?"

"Would you like to hear a piece of music I've been working on?"

"Madge dear that would be lovely" I dutifully lead Aunt Effie to my piano, I worry for her safety when she takes to the staircase in the heels she's wearing but she doesn't even blink. I pull the fancy stool out from beneath the vanity desk in my room and place it beside my piano stool "what a lovely instrument"

"It is beautiful isn't it?"

"How long is it that you've played?" she asks as we take our seats

"My mother used to play for me as a baby, I think I was three or four the first time I sat on this stool and she taught me a few notes"

"Oh your dear mother, she was a wonderful woman" she was from what I remember, I find it's less and less every day

"I didn't know you knew her that well"

"We were quite close before she ... fell ill. It was through your mother and Aunt Maysilee I met Cato's father"

"Oh?"

"Anyway" she continues quickly "let's hear that piece you told me about".

So I play her the piece, then another and another. When I finally realize how long I've been playing I open my eyes, out of habit they go to the window, they're there again, the dark figure and it almost makes me smile

"Well ..." I startle having forgotten I wasn't alone and turn to face my eccentric yet wonderful aunt "that was lovely, truly beautiful Madge"

"I'm sorry I just get a bit carried away sometimes"

"Don't apologize for loving something Madge, you're very talented"

"Thank you" I frown and feel my cheeks pink at the compliment, I only ever receive them about piano, of my father's out of town dinner guests. It's never sounded that genuine before though.

Cato returns not long after I finish playing, he stumbles through the door a little unsure on his feet. His mother tuts and fusses until he's lying on a couch in the parlour and snoring lightly. I'm returning from the kitchen with a cup of strong coffee when I hear Effie muttering to herself

"Near him for five minutes and you're picking up bad habits. Drinking in a saloon. Mark my words Cato darling, if you start behaving like your father there'll be hell to pay" I don't know Cato's father but I do know he left town before Cato was born. My Aunt Effie was younger than Cato is now when she had him and apparently it all caused a bit of a stir. "I'll be off now dear" she says teetering past me on her heels to the front door

"Goodnight Aunt Effie" I say as she kisses each of my cheeks

"Goodnight dear".

The following morning is very eventful. Cato snores loudly and is drooling on the arm of the couch a little bit. He rouses when the smell of bacon and eggs wafts in to him and wonders into the kitchen a few moments later

"Good morning snoring beauty" I tease

"Good morning" he grumbles

"How are you feeling?"

"Just dandy"

"You seemed a little worse for wear last night"

"It was all Darius' fault"

"I'm sure"

"Really, I've never had a drink before and he just kept putting glasses in front of me"

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"I did. It was a night of firsts for me, I've never been in a saloon before either"

"What was it like?"

"Very loud, everyone's very friendly" he chuckles

"Well I'm glad you had a good night, I thought your mother was going to wear a path in the carpet the amount she was pacing"

"She can't have been that bad"

"No but she was anxious enough"

"That's not like her but what can I say, I'm her only son" he shrugs and smirks

"Eat your breakfast" I laugh and join him at the dining table. We spend that day much like we did the day before, we visit the bakery, then Darius, then I introduce Cato to Wiress and Beetee so he can send a telegram to a friend of his in the city. Aunt Effie comes to dinner again, Cato goes to Abbernathy's with Darius, and I play for hours.

Cato is snoring again the next morning and I have to cover my mouth so I don't laugh and wake him because the top half of his body isn't even on the couch anymore. We eat breakfast then head into town for supplies, Mr. Cartright is wary of Cato until I introduce him as Effie Trinket's son but then he's helping us gather what we need from around the store. As he wraps the goods I eye the jars of confectionery behind him searching for the little red treats I've apparently acquired a taste for, when I spot them I can't help myself

"And a bag of the strawberry hard boiled candy please" Mr. Cartright grins at me "would you like something Cato?"

"No thank you" I raise an eyebrow

"Maybe just a few sherbet lemons?".

As we're gathering our parcels to leave Mr. Cartright opens and closes his mouth several times as if to say something, the tenth time I nod for him to go ahead

"I told Delly, that you ... asked for her"

"Oh thank you" I answer unsure of his demeanour

"She asked me ... to ask you if ... maybe you'd like to ... have tea? Now I told her that you're probably far too busy and she understands if you can't" I know when he says 'busy' he's referring to my father but I can't help myself. I'm going to make the most of this week, my father be damned

"I have time this week"

"I'll let her know" Mr. Cartright says with a mixture of relief and what I could only call dread.


	5. Chapter 5

I meet with Delly two days later, she invites me to her house and we sit in her kitchen drinking tea. For the first few minutes it's awkward but then she asks the exact same question Rye did

"Where have you been Madge?"

"Nowhere"

"You stopped coming to school"

"My father thought I should be home schooled"

"You stopped calling around"

"You stopped talking to me" I bite back defensively

"I- it- ... I'm sorry"

"Was it- did my father do something?" I ask carefully, all the colour drains from Delly's cheeks "did he?" I push though I know the answer

"He said- he-"

"He didn't do anything" Delly and I both fright at the sound of Mr. Cartright's voice in the doorway "I told Delly to distance herself from you"

"Daddy" Delly pleads

"It was for the best" for a moment I feel like I've been punched in the gut but I know my father and what he's capable of and I know it comes back to him somehow

"You're lying" I turn to face Mr. Cartright and he's looking at his feet "what did he do?" I implore as gently as I can, I want to scream, to pound on his chest and scream at him to tell me but I would never do that

"He didn't do anything"

"Please tell me" I whisper

"He had men come here and beat my dad, he wasn't sick, he was recovering. They said I had to stay away from you"

"I- I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come, I'll stay away. I'm sorry" I gasp once more as I flee the room. Both Cartright's call after me but there's no way I'm stopping. I knew he was a monster, I knew he was violent but I didn't know anyone else was ever on the receiving end and the Cartright's are such good people.

I almost knock Cato over in my haste to get up stairs and he has to catch me before I fall to the floor

"Hey, slow down there, what's the matter?"

"I'm fine"

"You don't seem fine, what happened? I thought you were at a friend's?"

"I'm fine" I snap then I feel terrible for taking even a shred of my anger out on him "sorry, I'm fine"

"I'll make you some tea" he says, letting me go

"Thank you. If it's not too much trouble, could you?-"

"I'll bring it to your room" he nods

"Thank you".

I sit at my piano and take gasping breaths of air, the guilt is stifling, it's choking me and squeezing the oxygen from my lungs. It's a panic attack, brought on by anxiety, apparently I had them as a child. I can't breathe! My vision swims for a few seconds before blurring completely and then there's nothing.

"Madge, Madge. C'mon open up" Cato encourages and shakes me gently "there you are" I open my eyes to find him smiling with relief "what on earth happened?" I peer around the room from my spot on Cato's lap and realize I must have fallen off the piano stool

"I must have fainted"

"Do you think you could stand?"

"Yes, I'm fine" Cato helps me to my feet but his hands hover protectively until he's sure I'm not going to keel over again

"We need to get some dinner in you, c'mon" Cato takes the stairs backwards so he's able to catch me if I collapse again to which I roll my eyes, then seats me at the dining table "eat up then you can tell me what's wrong"

"Nothing, I'm fine" I force a smile and Cato sighs heavily

"Madge, you fainted"

"I haven't eaten much today that's all" Cato's brows furrow but he doesn't push it, he does however force second helpings down my throat.

I have to squint when I awake the following morning, I forgot to draw the curtains last night and as a result scorching Colorado sunlight pours through the window. I stretch my arms above my head and arch my back revelling in the satisfying clicks and unusual absence of pain, there's the dull ache that never goes away but nothing major and that is something I'll take pleasure in for as long as possible.

I'm relishing the feeling of almost weightlessness when someone raps the heavy knocker on the front door. With a groan and a resigned sigh I heave myself from the thick downy pillows, wrap myself in a robe and tip toe downstairs. I open the door to reveal Delly, fidgeting and wringing her hands

"Madge" she sighs, her tone edging on desperate "I'm sorry, I never should have told you"

"No, you did the right thing. I needed to know" I assure her, though I'm not sure that's true

"I was desperate and scared, I'm so scared for my family Madge" I find affection uncomfortable because it's something I so rarely experience but lately I've found my broken body and damaged soul crave it so for my own sake and Delly's I rush forward and hug her. She sighs against my shoulder and I can hear her sniffing back tears

"It's alright. You're not the one who should be sorry" I tell her "I'm so sorry" I whisper, tears choking my words

"It wasn't your fault Madge, it's not your fault" Delly squeezes me once more and I begin to ache but will endure it for the affection "now would you like to try tea again?"

"I won't put you in any more danger Delly. Being around me isn't good for you, or anyone"

"That's no way for anyone to live!" she retorts angrily "I'm scared of what will happen if he finds out but I'm more scared of what will happen to you if he keeps you isolated much longer. For now, we'll keep it a secret, meet when he's away"

"What if he doesn't go away again?"

"Madge" she scowls

"That would be great" I agree, resigned "Maybe we should try Sae's?" I ask referring to the outdoor café at the edge of town.

Our second attempt at tea goes better, we avoid the subject of my father and talk about only mundane things, mainly her and Rye and honestly it's nice. To act normal and talk just for the sake of talking. When she invites me to her date with Rye I laugh and decline, telling her to have a good time and trying not to think about the fact that my father is returning tomorrow.

I make sure Cato is gone before noon so I have time to clean and cook dinner before my father returns, I don't know what to expect, I don't know exactly what time he'll arrive home. I don't even know why he went away in the first place.

When he lets himself in through the front door, I'm setting the table for our meal so I go to the entryway to greet him. The words have barely left my lips before he slaps me, it wasn't particularly hard but it was unexpected and the force sends me head first in to the door frame

"What?" I gasp, clutching my head "what did I do?" when I look up, my father looks almost guilty

"Go upstairs" he orders, so I scramble across the entryway to the foot of the stairs but before I get there another voice cuts in

"Well Malcolm, I see why you were in such a hurry to get home" following my father through the doorway is a tall man, perhaps in his forties. He's lean and inexplicably neat, not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his suit "is this your mistress?" I frown at the word and shuffle backwards, closer to the staircase

"No, no, this is my daughter" my father corrects, eyeing myself and the stranger carefully

"Your daughter?" The stranger inquires, taking a step further into the entryway. He towers over my father and his already imposing form becomes threatening. Not that he wasn't already, he didn't even blink at seeing my father slap me which I'm going to take as a very bad sign.

He shows no signs of aging except the greying hair at his temples and the frown lines on his brow, other than that, he seems strong, powerful. I can only guess at his age but nothing seems right "I'm Romulus Thread" he thrusts his hand toward me and leaves it inches from my nose while I get to my feet. When I raise my own hand he snatches it from the air and squeezes, just enough for it to be painful

"M-Madge Undersee"

"Malcolm" he says, turning his face just slightly to address my father "you didn't mention you had a daughter"

"Must have slipped my mind"

"Wanted to keep her all for yourself" he eyes me quickly, scanning me from head to toe "I understand"

"Shall we?" my father continues, gesturing to his office

"Business can wait a while Malcolm, we just arrived" Thread disagrees softly, as if with a child "how about a drink?"

"We'll take our meal within the hour" my father dismisses me and I go back to the kitchen. While I cook they speak in murmured voices from the salon and while I can't make anything out I grow more and more wary. Their voices become louder, less careful and slurred as they drink and I've learnt that never leads to anything less than painful with my father. When they finally make their way in to the dining room they sit at opposite ends of the table and I try to leave after serving their food but my father stops me "where are you going? Sit down"

"I-"

"Sit down!" he explodes "how dare you embarrass me in front of a guest"

"I'm s-"

"Quiet!" he slams his fist down on the table top and his cutlery clatters to the ground "pick that up" I bend to do as he says and can't help but yelp when he treads on my fingers which earns me a kick in the gut. When I stand I see Thread is regarding us from behind his scotch glass, he wears a smirk. When my father sees he pales "go to your room".

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling and wonder what just happened. Who the hell is Romulus Thread? And why doesn't my father care that he's seen? I inspect my hands, they throb but I don't think anything's broken. I've managed to preserve my hands through the years, they've been burnt and cut but never anything that would stop me playing piano.

I realise I'm usually playing by now and start over to the piano, as I pull out the stool my bedroom door swings open and Thread steps in to the room

"A piano?" I clear my throat but still croak my answer

"Yes"

"How ... quaint" he smiles falsely

"Can I help you Mr. Thread?"

"Oh how kind" he grins again "but no" he strides over to the piano and rests his hand on my shoulder "play something"

"It's quite late"

"Nonsense. Play"

"I-"

"Play"

"I really ought to -" the back of his hand feels like a panel of wood as it crosses my cheek. I clutch my face in shock as the sting subsides and look up at him from the floor when he swings at me again. Thread is taller than my father and as broad as he is wide so it's logical it'll be worse. Each hit is harder, each break more severe, the damage greater. I realise my father can't have ever actually hit me with his full force because it's never hurt this much.

At some point I manage to get to my feet and run for the door but by the time I reach the stairs he's behind me. It's not the first time I've been pushed down the stairs so I know to protect my head and neck, when I land in the entryway Thread's there and the blow comes immediately. From where I fall I can see my father sipping scotch at the dining room table, he has his back to me. Thread breaks my left rib easily, it's an old fracture that will never fully heal but even so the pain is coma inducing and it robs me of breath. I hear my head hit the wall but I'm blinded by the blood pouring into my eyes. 'Not my face' is my first thought, 'not where anyone can see'. Next it's my legs, a sharp kick to the side of my left thigh, a sharp crack and a sharper pain, a crunch when he stands on my fingers, these breaks are fresh. I wince and blink away tears and blood, no more piano. Kick. Shove. Kick. Snap. Crunch. Crack. Another rib, my wrist and the side of my head. Then it's not hands and feet, it's a cane, my grandmothers. My legs, my stomach, my chest, once across my cheek, I lose track.


	6. Chapter 6

I watch the puddle of crimson liquid creep away from me, engulfing the floor boards, claiming them one grain of wood at a time. I watch it submerge around a chair leg, then another, maybe it'll cover the entire first floor and ruin the carpets. I almost smile. I wonder if it'll be dry by the time they find me, will anyone find me? All it would take is a little white lie. 'She's gone away to boarding school', 'married and moved to the city', 'abducted by Indians' no one would care enough to question it. The red puddle has reached the door by the time I hear someone, I was starting to wonder if I'd run out of blood. I close my eyes for the death blow but it doesn't come

"Oh Sweetheart" the footsteps coo. I don't recognise the voice

"Help" I gurgle, the movement stirs the pooled blood in my mouth and for a few miserable seconds I think I might drown in my own blood

"Sshhh Sweetheart, hold on" I'm lifted I think and my blood sucks at the strangers boots as I'm carried from the house. I feel light and empty, maybe I am, maybe I have no blood left in me. Surely I'd be dead if that were the case, wait, am I dead? Is this what dead is? The sounds of a horse makes me think no, maybe not. I'm settled in the bed of a wagon on what feels like sacks of flour and I groan in protest

"No" blood dribbles down my chin but I can't move to wipe it away

"Sshhh Sweetheart"

"The blood'll ruin flour" I explain feebly "can't waste th- flour" I can't see whoever it is who's come for me but I hear them take a shuddering breath.

The wagon jostles me lightly, I'm sure it would lull me to sleep if it weren't for the strangers constant nattering 'stay with me Sweetheart', 'come on Sweetheart, stay awake, keep your eyes open'. I just want to sleep. As my companion won't let me, I listen to the wheels of the cart rattle. I notice how our road changes from a dusty path to loose stones, to dry earth, to worn grass until we come to a stop, it wasn't a long journey, a few minutes maybe. A fire crackles and there are other horses nearby but all I can see are the stars. Maybe this is death, I have never seen anything more beautiful. The sky is clearer than I have ever witnessed and scattered with a million flickers of light, the longer I look, the more beautiful it gets. The sky I had once thought black changes to more of a bluish purple and the moon is so huge, I've never felt more insignificant, not even when I was beaten and bloody and locked in a cupboard

"Evelyn! Come quick!" the stranger bellows

"Haymitch, is everything alright?" a concerned woman answers. Haymitch? Abbernathy?

"Hurry!" Haymitch - apparently, lifts me from his wagon and the stars swirl and blur

"Beautiful" I murmur

"My God" the woman - Evelyn I guess, gasps "what happened?" there's something strangely freeing about hearing her blaspheme, like maybe I'm not the only one who doesn't think he's up there, or if he is, he turned his back on us a long time ago

"Found her like this"

"Bring her inside"

"No, not having her in there" there's a quiet stillness before anyone speaks

"Set her down over here then" I'm lowered to the ground and my head hurts but I don't mind, I can still see the stars "go and get Primrose and Hazelle, bring water and my medical kit back with you" Haymitch's footfalls retreat, it sounds like he's running, I laugh at the idea of a drunk running and it makes a thick gurgling sound "you poor dear, you poor poor little dear".

Footsteps approach quickly from the direction Haymitch left and I let my head roll to the side. There's a large cabin a few hundred metres away, a barn, two large homesteads and between it and us are Haymitch and two others. The first is a woman with dark hair and skin, there is no doubt she has Indian blood, the second is a young girl, probably a few years younger than me. She is like the woman, Evelyn, with pale skin, fair hair and kind blue eyes, like me, I realise, from town. They can't see me like this, it's the rules. The dark woman gapes and the girl gasps when they see me. They're not allowed to see me. I groan in protest and lift my head

"No dear, rest your head, lay down" there's no strength in me to fight so I let her set my head back down "Prim you start on her legs, Hazelle her arms, Haymitch give me your flask" he hands it over without a fight. The cloth doused in white liquor stings and the sterilized needles prick at my skin where the cuts are big enough for me to need stitches. It's painful but not unwelcome, it reminds me I'm not dead, not yet anyways. I feel awful dizzy though, I just need to sleep. This time nothing Haymitch says keeps me from succumbing to oblivion.

When I wake again it's to voices that are distant and distorted like my head's submerged in water, the more I focus, the clearer they become.

"Is there, you know, any other ... damage?" I think that's Haymitch, there's a long pause before Evelyn replies

"I didn't even think to look" Evelyn's hands waver against my arm "surely not his own daughter"

"If he's capable of this or even allowing it"

"I'll check" Evelyn says soothingly "you might want to go for a walk" she says meaningfully, Haymitch clears his throat then stumbles away as I feel my dress being lifted. No. Please no, not that. There's a sharpness as Evelyn examines me and I slip away again.

"What do you suppose happened?"

"Give it a rest Hazelle, we both know exactly what happened to her. That bastard" Haymitch grumbles

"That's more than one man's work Haymitch, either he had help or a club" Hazelle replies. Haymitch spits

"I'll kill him, should've done it years ago, brought her out here with us"

"You know you couldn't have"

"Poor thing, how long has he been doing this?"

"Evelyn says there're injuries going back years, broken ribs, scars"

"Stop! Okay just stop, please. I didn't really want an answer"

"She's alright now Haymitch, we'll look after her"

"Does she look alright to you?"

"She will be, we'll make sure of it" there's a disturbance further away, horses, voices and now that I'm listening, music and laughing. The pain in my head doesn't ebb as my consciousness does and neither do the violent dreams, memories. When awareness comes again I'm grateful despite the pain

"We can't keep her, won't they come looking for her, she's the mayor's daughter" there's a voice I don't recognise. It's angry and female

"He won't look for her" Haymitch tells the person

"Why not?"

"He just won't" Haymitch growls "she's staying here and that's that"

"It's not your decision to make" the angry woman retorts

"I think you'll find it is"

"What, you're going to keep her in the house?"

"She's not a pet Johanna" someone else cuts in

"You can't keep her" the first woman - Johanna repeats

"Maybe I should give her your room" Haymitch snaps

"In a whore house? Really?" Haymitch takes a deep breath

"Then I'll take her somewhere else"

"What?"

"If she goes, I go and guess what that means for you"

"But-" Johanna is cut off by another gruff male voice

"She'll stay" it's spoken with finality

"What?! Where are you gonna put her?" the angry woman exclaims

"Quiet Jo, you heard me. She'll stay with us now leave it be" someone storms off, Jo presumably

"Thanks" Haymitch says genuinely, there's no answer. With only Haymitch's screwing and unscrewing of his flask to listen to, I drift off again. I lose track of how many times I drift in and out.

I hear multiple voices, upbeat music and laughter - the sounds of Haymitch's saloon. I'm in one of the cabins near it. A number of people come and go, there's Hazelle, who I find to be wise, witty with a dry sense of humour. Her children, Rory, who sounds stubborn and mature beyond his years, Vick who I judge to be smart for his age, either that or his high voice is very deceiving and Posy, she can't be older than five and I am completely enraptured by her, many a time I have found myself wanting to laugh only to be let down by my uncooperative body.

Then there is Evelyn, she's been 'fixing me up', she's soft spoken when she does speak which isn't often but gentle as far as I can tell. Prim is her daughter, I remember how much they looked alike. Prim is also soft spoken and gentle, she hums whilst she goes about her day and is oblivious to the way Rory dotes on her. Evelyn has another daughter, Katniss. Of all the people here she has the most effect on me, everything about her is familiar, like I know her, never more so than when she sings. She'll only do it when no one else is around but she does sing for me or near me, she is otherwise silent. She whispers with the man who had decided I stay and plays with the children but very rarely converses with anyone else.

Johanna, or Jo, as I have come to know her isn't around much but when she is she makes it very clear she's not happy about my being here. A girl called Annie bathes me and changes my dressings. She is either a genius or crazy but sweet, she talks to me often. Then of course there is Haymitch. He checks on me every day but doesn't say much. He always leaves the smell of white liquor lurking behind him and I find myself wanting to frown and snatch the ever present flask from his hands. Nothing good comes from drinking that much. Lastly, a mysterious visitor that comes by often, maybe twice a day that I can tell. They sit outside the room I'm in. I assume it's a man because I sometimes hear him snoring when he falls asleep against the door. Sometimes he'll come in and stroke my cheek as if wiping away a tear and it's infuriating that I can't open my eyes to see their face.

The first time I surface again properly Annie is with me, I'm struck by her beauty, her chocolate hair, her creamy complexion and her phenomenal green eyes. I'm unbelievably hungry and can't wait to get this darn catheter off, I tell Annie so and she startles

"You're awake!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you"

"No need to apologise, how do you feel?"

"Sore, hungry, uncomfortable, thirsty, numb, tired"

"That's to be expected, let me fetch Evelyn" Annie returns with Evelyn and Haymitch seconds later

"You're awake, thank god" Haymitch sighs

"How do you feel?" Evelyn asks stroking the back of her hand across my forehead

"Like I've been beaten with a cane" I mumble without thinking, four pairs of eyes widen simultaneously "I mean-" how could I be so stupid, nine years and I haven't slipped up, not once and now, God I'm stupid!

"Is that what he did? He used a cane?" Haymitch asks looking a little green, I say nothing and he pulls out his flask, Evelyn gives him a look but he glares back "I need a drink" he snaps

"Do you need anything dear?" Evelyn asks turning her attention back to me. Yes! I want to scream but years of beatings have taught me to never ask for anything. Ever "hm?" she tries again when I don't answer "how about some water?"

"Yes please, if it's not too much trouble"

"Of course not, here you are" she says handing me a glass from the jug in the corner of the room. When my wrist is too weak to lift the glass Annie takes it from me and helps me drink from it "anything else?"

"No thank you" I lie, I'm starving and really wouldn't mind drinking the rest of the water

"She mentioned her catheter was uncomfortable"

"Oh well we can fix that, now that you're awake I can remove it" I can't help but smile

"Thank you"

"Are you sure there's nothing else? You must be hungry?" Evelyn smiles expectantly and I nod "I'll have Prim bring you some broth and if your stomach can handle that anything else you'd like" Evelyn leaves through the only door and I swear she's about to cry

"I'm glad you're awake sweetheart" Haymitch surprises us both by planting a kiss atop my head before leaving too. I'd never even met this man until a few minutes ago yet after the way he's worried and fought for me I can't help but feel bonded to him

"Madge? Can I call you Madge?" Annie asks carefully

"Of course, may I call you Annie?" she smiles

"Of course, how did you know my name?"

"I heard a lot while I was ... asleep, I'm sorry, I didn't think - I - I didn't mean to - I"

"Hush don't be silly" she says softly covering my hand with her own "I'm just glad you're awake".


	7. Chapter 7

By the next day Evelyn brings me a wheel chair and Annie helps me around. I've been staying in the Everdeen home while Evelyn treated me and haven't been outside since the accident. For an hour or so Annie and I sit on the Everdeen's front porch and she points out the Hawthorne's larger home next door, the barn where their horses and the other animals are kept and the back of the saloon I hadn't seen before. My curiosity is peaked when she doesn't say anything about the stand alone cabin a stone's throw from us

"And that?" I gesture to the structure, it's clearly new, possibly unfinished but has been built wonderfully, with attention and care to even the tiniest details

"No one knows" she shrugs and I bite down on my lip, questions always get me in trouble "he just started building, didn't say a thing to anyone, just started buying lumber and now he spends every free minute he's got on it"

"He?" I wonder

"Gale, Hazelle's son. He inherited this entire property when his father died. Obviously he let the Everdeen's stay in their home and he sold the plot behind the saloon to Haymitch but kept everything else"

"So you don't know what he's building it for?" she shakes her head

"Finnick, my fiancé, says it's a way of coping, you know with pressure and grief. I think he's pruning his nest"

"Like a bird?" I wonder, she nods

"He's a perfectionist in all things except knowing when to stop"

"When did he start?"

"Before Fin and I came here with Haymitch, years. I think right after his dad died"

"A hobby helps" I tell her matter-of-factly "something to take your mind off the pain. For me it was piano"

"You're admitting it then? That this was an ongoing thing?"

"You all seem to know" I shrug, a common occurrence now, it would seem "I don't know how I'm supposed to hide this" I say gesturing to the wheelchair, resigned to the fact that people now know and he'll probably kill me

"Has it ever been this bad before?" I drop my gaze to my lap and shake my head

"My father- my father just knocks me about a bit. He didn't do this"

"He didn't?" I shake my head again "who?" I shrug

"Some man he brought back with him. Thread?"

"He let someone do this to you?" she murmurs barely louder than a whisper

"It's not that surprising is it?" she doesn't answer "Annie? I know Evelyn checked me for … other damage. What- is there" I swallow, drawing my eyebrows together in concentration so I'm able to form the sentence "did he?" is all I manage

"No, she didn't find any signs of it" I suck in a breath and release it as a sob, it hurts but I can't help it. I weep in to Annie's chest and she cradles my upper body until there's nothing left of me.

"Annie" someone rasps when I've shushed to shuddering breaths. I think it's the man who decided I would stay but the boy who stand before us looks much younger than the voice would suggest. Cato's age at the oldest and then I realise with startling clarity that this is Gale Hawthorne "food" he casts me a look before turning and disappearing around the side of the house

"Gale?" I ask

"Friendly isn't he?" Annie smiles and strokes some hair away from my tear stained face "think you can handle a proper meal?" I nod "think you can handle meeting everyone properly?" I shake my head "come on" she laughs "they're not too bad".

Annie and Hazelle lift me and the chair down one set of porch steps, wheel me to the back of the saloon and lift me up another set of steps

"You all eat here?" I wonder

"No" Hazelle chuckles "a one-time thing. Only room big enough to house everyone comfortably for a meal" they push me through to a crowded room with a large table and lots of chairs. Everyone stares as we enter but I know they're not looking at Annie or Hazelle. I try to shrink further in to the chair, to make myself smaller somehow but only manage to curl my shoulders in before a sharp pain takes my breath away

"Quit staring" Haymitch growls at them and I shrink away from the look he gives me. I'm grateful to the man for all that he's done but he's basically a stranger and part of me can't help thinking he should have left me where I was

"You know Haymitch" Annie begins, pushing me up to the table and taking a seat beside me "and Evelyn and Hazelle" she gestures to each of them "what about Prim?" I nod and the young girl smiles at me "and you met Gale a little while ago" I nod and he scowls at the table "do you remember anything else from before waking up?" she asks and I turn to her when I answer

"Katniss?" a pretty dark haired girl seated on the left of the long table goes wide eyed and nods at me. She's about my age but taller and not as skinny, or crippled "and is Finnick here?" I ask quietly, remembering Annie speaking of her fiancé

"Hello beautiful" someone at the end of the table calls and I meet the gaze of an unnaturally handsome man, grinning ear to ear. His bronze skin and white teeth become dazzling after a while and I turn back to Annie "Rory and Vick and Posy?" I ask gesturing to the children around Hazelle, all strikingly alike although I'm quite sure I'm right

"Yes" she nods encouragingly "who else?"

"Johanna" I whisper, apparently not quietly enough

"Over here brainless" an angry looking woman with short hair waves sarcastically though it's not quite as mean as she'd like it to be. Probably because I look so pathetic

"That's all" I murmur, still baffled by the others at the table

"Well this is Cashmere and Glimmer" she says pointing to two intimidatingly beautiful blonde's "and their brother Gloss" she adds pointing to an equally handsome man next to Finnick "Clove, Bristel, Levy and Thom" she lists, pointing to four dark haired young adults with lovely Indian infused skin "they work for Haymitch" she finishes and I try to work out what that means "That's Thresh down there at the end" the man at the end of the table is quite frankly terrifying. Not because of his dark skin, I'd always found that quite appealing, but because of his sheer size. I've never seen someone so imposing but he tips his head politely and gives a tight lipped smile, warmer than almost all the other greetings I've received "Thresh works the land and takes care of the animals with Rue" another young girl, sat next to Prim smiles at me and I try to smile back but I think it's more of a grimace. If she notices her pretty features don't let on "and that's everyone, everyone this is Madge" suddenly the already large group off twenty feels like hundreds and I curl in on myself again "help yourself" Annie encourages, gesturing to the platters of food covering the table.

Most of them forget I'm there and I'm happy for them to ignore me as I chew ten times longer than a normal person would have to, in order to swallow even the smallest mouthfuls without pain. There's bruising around my neck, I don't know what from but I can feel it's swollen. There's quiet chatter around the table and a little bit of laughter, mostly from Finnick but Haymitch, Evelyn, Katniss, Gale and the three younger children keep glancing at me and sharing meaningful looks. Eventually I can't stand it anymore

"Why am I here?" the table falls in to silence as my questions bounces off the walls. No one answers for a while and then Haymitch clears his throat

"You're family".


	8. Chapter 8

Apparently I'm supposed to just accept what I'm told and be okay with it. No one answers anymore questions, no matter how often I ask and in the end I settle for silence. Annie sits with me on the Everdeen's porch in-between meal times and the only time we move from there is to use the bathroom or wash house. I don't enjoy having to be helped to do such simple things but I can't breathe comfortably at the moment, let alone hold my own weight.

I wonder what happens next. Do I go back? I don't see how I'm supposed to, I can't walk and my father certainly isn't going to help me wash when I need to. I'd be of absolutely no use to him as I am which leads me to believe he'd finish the job rather than carry the dead weight I'm going to be for the next few months.

I can't very well stay here. I'll be grateful for their help and hospitality until I can repay it twice over but that doesn't change the fact that they're strangers. No matter what Haymitch says. I could go to Aunt Effie, she'd understand, she'd help. I could be happy with her and Cato I think but could they be happy with me? No, it won't do, no matter where I go I'd be putting those who helped me in danger and I'd take this beating again before letting that happen.

"Madge?" Annie interrupts my thoughts "are you alright?"

"Fine"

"Are you in pain? You're crying" huh, I didn't even notice. Though, now it's been pointed out my face is stinging. I can't usually feel much of anything on my face, I know it's swollen because I can see my cheeks protruding and my lips get in the way when I speak but I haven't felt anything more than throbbing as of yet

"Could I maybe have a bowl of water to wash my face? It's stinging a bit"

"Of course, I'll be right back" she returns from inside with a basin of clear water, a sponge, a cloth and a box tucked under her arm. She sets the basin on a small round table between us and drapes the cloth over her shoulder "I thought I'd comb and plait your hair too, to keep it out of your eyes" she says lifting the lid of the box and taking out a fine toothed comb. Inside the lid of the box is a mirror and it brings on a fresh wave of tears

"I had no idea" I watch myself as I speak, amazed it's intelligible. My lips are the worst of the whole mess that doesn't even look human anymore. They're puffy and uneven, the upper split up to my nostril. There's stitches across my hairline that I didn't even know I had and a much smaller set through my left eyebrow. My cheeks are indeed swollen and pink but not enough to adhere my sight, which thankfully seems to be alright. The left eye is horribly bloodshot with a burst blood vessel but no permanent damage

"Hmm?"

"I had no idea how awful I look. I can't feel any of it"

"It will all heal in time" Annie tells me soothingly, dragging the comb over my head. I snort

"Not all of it" I mumble. It's not vanity, of course I don't want to look like this but it's the reminder. Walking around – or not walking around in my case – with it on my face. The worst thing about myself plastered quite obviously across my face for everyone to ogle at "besides, by the time I get rid of one another takes its place"

"Not anymore Madge. You'll never go back there"

"Of course I will. Where else am I going to go? As soon as I can walk without this thing I'll go back and sooner the better"

"Madge" Annie shakes her head frowning

"The longer I'm here the more dangerous it is for you all. I'm older now I can handle it better before long he'll marry me off and it'll be over"

"I thought you were smart" Annie scowls at me as she ties the end of my plaited hair off "you'll die next time, your body can't handle another trauma like this"

"My father didn't do this" I remind her

"What's to say he won't let that man at you again? What's to say he doesn't let others do it? What's to say it doesn't get worse, that next time there is _other_ _damage_?" she says with a meaningful glance at my crotch "that no one finds you and you bleed out on the floor" I look away from her. I know she's right and I know I sound stupid but she doesn't seem to realise for me, there's no other choice. Maybe if she knew what happened to Mr. Cartright she wouldn't be so vocal "not like it matters. We'd never let you go back"

"Are you going to hold me captive?" I bite back "keep me here by force?" Annie focuses on dipping the sponge in to the water at her side "I thought not"

"The people here care about you Madge"

"They're strangers" I retort "I'm grateful for all that you've done and I'll find a way to repay your kindness but you don't know me and I don't know you"

"That's not true" Annie says dismissively "you heard what Haymitch said"

"I don't have any family, just my aunt and cousin" Annie raises an eyebrow at me and I see the beginnings of a smirk

"Family isn't always blood Madge. Hold still" I expect to wince when she lifts the sponge to my face but don't feel anything. I'm not even sure of the waters temperature

"I'm sorry I've been rude. I'm not exactly in a great mind space right now"

"No need to apologise. It's nice to see you've got an attitude and a bit of fire in there. Most don't after living the way you have for so long"

"What d'you mean?"

"Let's just say you're not the only one Haymitch has taken in who had nowhere else to go"

"Is that why the girls work for him? Because they have no other choice?"

"No. Haymitch is much more morale than he'd have anyone believe. Johanna's been with him longest and she insists on it"

"Insists?" Annie grimaces

"She calls it 'earning her keep' but Haymitch doesn't make anyone do anything. We're happy here, all of us and we wouldn't be if it weren't for him"

"So Johanna is a-?" Annie smiles and nods

"Yes. Johanna is a dancing girl, so are Cashmere, Glimmer, Clove and Bristel. Though they call themselves cats"

"Not Levy?"

"No Levy is Bristel's younger sister. She dances and sings in the saloon like me but we don't entertain in other ways"

"What about the men? Finnick and Gloss and Thom?"

"Finnick and Thom run the bar. Gloss and sometimes Thresh take care of the rowdier customers, ususally it's travellers from out of town who get to drunk or won't take no for an answer"

"What about the Hawthorne's and the Everdeen's? I got the impression yesterday that Hazelle doesn't approve of Haymitch's business" Annie laughs

"She doesn't, to an extent. She was furious at Gale when he sold the land to Haymitch but after meeting us and gaining a better understanding of how Haymitch runs things she's not so bad. Yesterday was the first time she's let her children anywhere near the building though. Evelyn isn't as … with it. Katniss says she hasn't been right since her husband died, understandably. She sometimes comes in to speak with Haymitch but doesn't have to worry about her girls coming in. Katniss is slightly terrified of the place and keeps Prim and Rue away"

"Why was Johanna so angry about me being here?" Annie's lips quirk up in amusement

"I'm sure she thinks she's justified but Johanna just likes to be angry. I think she might have been a little jealous but that seems to have changed"

"She wasn't as mean when she saw how pathetically tragic I was" I point out

"Well, yes" Annie agrees sympathetically "she's got some maternal protectiveness over the boys and I think seeing them all worry about you made her jealous"

"She was jealous of Haymitch?" I ask, my tone full of sarcasm

"Very, she was about your age when he took her in and she's always babied Gale, much to his chagrin. That bothered her most I expect, it took her a year to relinquish Finnick to me" she giggles

"So it was Gale who decided I would stay?"

"It wasn't up for debate anyway but it was him who shut Johanna up, yes" Annie rings out the sponge, the water tinted the slightest bit pink with blood and tosses the water over the railing at the side of the house

"What would you do, if you were me?"

"If I were you I'd go back to that god forsaken house because I was worried what might happen to those who tried to help. If I was me in your position I'd accept the help that was offered to me. He's only as powerful as you let him be Madge"

"I think, if I could find a way to keep it away from him I would ask my aunt for help"

"You're not an 'I' anymore Madge. You're part of a 'we'. And _we_ look after our own".


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up the following morning to a room full of people. Haymitch, Evelyn, Annie and Johanna are stood around my bed as Annie helps me into an upright position

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"Had a very upset customer last night" Haymitch says "he got very drunk and he's passed out in one of the rooms. Says he's your cousin"

"Cato?"

"Yeah, that's the one"

"Well, is he alright?"

"Well that's the thing" Haymitch says awkwardly, unfolding his arms from across his chest "he says-"

"Your dad's told everyone you're dead" Johanna cuts him off "said thieves broke in to the house and you caught them in the act"

"Clever" I mumble "did you tell Cato the truth?"

"We were going to leave that up to you. Didn't want to go telling him if he was going to run off and tell the mayor where you are"

"No he won't do that if I ask him not to. Can you take me to see him? Please?"

"I'll go … wake him up. Annie why don't you help Madge get dressed?" Evelyn follows Haymitch out of the room leaving Annie and Johanna

"You alright Jo?" Annie asks her

"I'll help. You might drop her down the steps if you try and do it yourself"

"You don't have to" I tell her weakly. I don't feel comfortable with Johanna seeing me that frail and incapable

"Hush up brainless and lift your arms so I can get this thing off you" she orders, tugging on the nightdress I'm wearing

"Gently Johanna" Annie admonishes too late and I can't help but cry out as my arm is wrenched up

"Fuck" Johanna hisses, her eyes riveted on the rainbow of bruises under my skin "they sure did a number on you didn't they"

"I've had worse" I mumble, untangling myself from the nightgown

"Worse? Than this?" she says, arching an eyebrow

"A broken collar bone's just the worst" I tell her sarcastically, to which she grins

"You know brainless, you're not half bad" Annie smirks and I can't help but feel like I just earned an impossible stamp of approval.

Cato looks much like he did when he first started drinking with Darius. Sprawled out on his front, drooling on his hand, snoring softly. I clear my throat

"Huh- wha?" he blinks a few times, frowning at Haymitch, Johanna and Annie, then at me "Madge? Is that you? My God Madge what happened to you?" he falls to his knees in front of my chair, taking hold of my hands where they sit in my lap "we were told you were dead. My god Madge what happened?!"

"You can't tell anyone I'm here" I rasp, my throat is still bruised and speaking to Cato I realize how awful it sounds

"Damn it Madge tell me what happened!"

"Promise me first. I need your word"

"I swear. What happened? Did they do this?" he demands, eyeing our company

"No Cato, calm down"

"Just tell me you're not in any danger"

"No, not anymore" he squeezes my hands and I hide a wince of pain but he still notices my mangled fingers and loosens his grip "they've helped me"

"Please Madge tell me what happened. Why does your father think you're dead?"

"He may very well believe I am"

"Why?" I look to Annie over my shoulder and she lays her hand on my arm lightly, so it doesn't cause me any pain

"I don't think I can explain" I tell her feebly "I'll answer questions but I can't- I can't _tell_ him. I'm sorry it's stupid"

"No, just tell me if I say something wrong?" I nod and Johanna groans

"Her dad was beating her senseless. Even started letting his buddies in on it" I throw an exasperated look at her which she just shrugs off and Haymitch gives her a nudge in the ribs

"Your father hit you?" Cato murmurs, his gaze pinned on me "_Madge_?" he squeezes my hands again without thinking and it makes them throb "did he Madge?"

"Yes" I rasp. Cato swallows, looking at my feet, clad in thick socks that hide my bruises

"More than once?"

"Yes" I nod

"And all this" he indicates to my body "he did this?" I shake my head

"No, this was someone else"

"Who?"

"I don't know, Thread someone"

"How long has this been going on?"

"A while"

"Answer me"

"Since my mother passed I think"

"I don't understand. How could this have been happening? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Who was there to tell?"

"You could have told me"

"No" I croak

"Oh Madge, I'm so sorry" I shake my head at him, he has nothing to be sorry for "Why are you here?"

"Haymitch- Mr. Abernathy found me, brought me here so Mrs. Everdeen could treat me"

"When will you be well enough to leave? You'll come and live with my mom and me"

"Cato …"

"No arguments"

"Your mother-"

"Wouldn't have it any other way. We'll pay Mr. Abernathy and Mrs. Everdeen for all they've done and then you'll have a home with us. Your father never even has to know"

"We don't want payment boy" Haymitch interrupts "just want her safe and well and she's got that here"

"She doesn't belong here"

"She belongs where she wants"

"She belongs with family" with that Haymitch storms off mumbling about 'kids' and 'typical' and 'bloody Trinket' "I can go to your old house for anything you might want"

"My father isn't there?"

"He left for the city after announcing your death. My mom is there now making arrangements"

"Perhaps you best talk to her first?" I suggest. It's probably wise to tell her I'm not dead before she starts making funeral arrangements

"Yes, yes alright. I'll go there now and come back for you in an hour or so?"

"You can't take her yet brainless, what if someone sees her? Besides Mrs. E isn't done fixing her up yet" Johanna interrupts, Cato looks at her questioningly and Johanna crosses her arms with a smirk

"I'd like to keep her close by for observation and her own wellbeing" Mrs. Everdeen confirms "you're welcome to visit whenever you want" Cato nods in acceptance then looks back at me

"You're sure? You're safe, I mean?"

"Well we're sure as hell not going to hurt her" Johanna snaps

"Madge?"

"I'm alright Cato" I watch him glance down at my battered hands and grimace "I'll get better. I promise"

"I'll be back, I'll bring you some of your things"

"Nothing the mayor will notice missing" Mrs. Everdeen adds

"I'll be back soon" Cato leans forward and kisses my forehead swiftly before rushing out and Johanna smirks again

"Good looking son of a bitch isn't he, your cousin? Can't handle his liquor though"

"I'll put in a good word for you" I snicker

"Don't bother, you're more my type than he is".


	10. Chapter 10

Cato returns in the early afternoon with a tiny basket of my belongings, my music box, hair brush, its matching hand mirror and unexpectedly, a bottle of perfume.

"Who's is this?" I ask, wondering if perhaps Effie slipped it in

"It's not yours? I found it in the water closet"

"Which one?"

"The one across from my room, I assumed it had to be yours"

"No, I- that's my father's bathroom, I- I'm not allowed- I don't go in there. This must have been my mother's"

"I'm sorry Madge, I didn't know"

"Not to worry Cato. Perhaps you could return it though, he'll notice it missing"

"Why don't you keep it. What can he do?" he doesn't have to say it, I can see it in his eyes, what he's thinking 'what more can he do?' "I have some of your clothes too, mom packed them so I'm not sure what's there but if there's anything else you need just ask. Mom says she's sorry she hasn't come herself but … there's a lot to do- or undo in this case"

"Cancelling the burial plot?" I joke, only Johanna laughs

"Oh lighten up will you" she chuckles "you staying for dinner pretty boy? Maybe dinner and a show? Levy's up next" she smirks and when I look back to Cato his face is as pink as strawberry candy and he can't keep his lips from curling up. I smile so wide it makes my split lip bleed.

We get in to a routine, I sit on the porch with Annie every day until Katniss joins us one day and then never leaves. I cry for hours when she admits we were friends as very young children but she too was warned off when my mother died. I ask her why I don't remember her as I do the Mellark's but she doesn't know. I tell her I can recall her singing voice and begrudgingly, she sings with Annie humming along with her.

Prim and Rue braid flowers and long blades of grass in to my hair and sing rhymes to us but all the flowers in the world couldn't pretty up my butchered face, or hide the patches where I'm missing hair.

Rory and Vick sometimes make their way over to throw twigs at Prim and Rue. Rory will stick around just to be near Prim but Vick gets bored of 'girly stuff' and plops down in the meadow before the house with a book or a deck of cards.

Finnick comes over with snacks once or twice a day, usually a pie or some other recipe he's experimenting with. Annie teases him about his penchant for baking and they kiss for a while before he goes back to work.

Thresh, I feel I have a quiet comradery with. He nods, waves, smiles, whenever he passes and always sits with me when he takes a break to drink lemonade or eat his sandwiches. We don't say much but he always offers me half of what he has and a funny story about one of the animals or chores he's been seeing to.

Haymitch, Evelyn and Hazelle are the only ones who still treat me like something between a porcelain doll and a cornered animal. They watch me with concerned eyes like I might spring out of the wheelchair and run back to my father. Then baby me in some way by wiping my mouth or trying to feed me.

Johanna is Johanna.

Cato goes on a date with Levy. I wait up past midnight so he can tell me all about it and this time when his blush makes me grin, my lip is all but healed.

I don't see much of Thom or Gloss but for when we eat dinner every night. They've began to tease me, Finnick leading them and it's nice, to have something utterly un-serious"

Glimmer, Cashmere, Clove and Bristel don't often leave the saloon. They're friendly enough, I don't feel quite so awkward in myself anymore, and when they share saucy or embarrassing stories about their clients, I laugh. Especially at how often Glimmer tells stories about Darius.

Effie often sends word with Cato, usually how terribly sorry she is she hasn't visited me herself. I suspect it's for a number of reasons.

Gale and Posy Hawthorne avoid me at all costs.

My cuts scab over, some almost gone. The bruises linger but are less and less sensitive each day. I get the use of my fingers back, though they are weak and ache fiercely. It still hurts to do anything one might consider useful but I'm getting used to what hurts less. What upper body strength I have regained is made moot by my broken ribs and the shoulder still fragile from being dislocated.

I help peel vegetables, slowly and clumsily but I help. Honestly it's just nice to do anything.

One night, I offer to help Thom clean glasses and we sit at a table hidden at the side of the bar. The saloon is relatively quiet, there isn't much risk of any of the patrons recognising me, not like this anyway. Besides, no one's looking for a dead girl.

"So?" I begin "how've you ended up here? Working for Haymitch I mean?"

"I was in school, studying accountancy. I was eager and money hungry. I didn't mind who I stepped on to get where I wanted and one day it come back to bite me on the behind" he shrugs, accepting of it "I lost everything, my money, my name, friends. It was for the best"

"You don't miss it? Wish you would've started over?"

"I did start over. I was drinking myself silly, that's how I met Haymitch" he snickers "When he upped and moved here, he asked me to join him, said he needed a man behind the bar who really knew his liquor. That was me"

"Do you think you'll ever go back to accounting, to school?"

"Leave here? No, this is my life, I like it. Haymitch pays me a decent wage as well as keeping me and Bristel would never leave before her time"

"Bristel? You and she?"

"Yes me and she" he chuckles

"Isn't that- excuse me but isn't that … hard?"

"You would think so wouldn't you, but no. If we get married she'll stop but we're in no rush"

"And what about the others? Do they have men of their own?"

"Not really. Glimmer has taken a real liking to the Sherriff's son and Clove sneaks off to the barn most nights to see Thresh, even though we all know but that's it. Most people couldn't handle the arrangement Bristel and I have"

"What about Johanna? Annie said she'd been with Haymitch the longest?"

"Johanna will be dancing around this saloon well in to her seventies" Thom laughs "she thought Gale might've been what she was looking for but that was just awful for everyone"

"What's he like, Gale?"

"Odd" Thom tells me, I'm beginning to think all he does is chuckle, it's nice "he's my best friend. When we bought the land and set up the saloon, he and I did a lot of the handy work around the place. Got on right away"

"He seems … quiet?"

"I guess"

"He avoids me"

"He doesn't like seeing, you know …"

"What I look like"

"He hates it" my chin drops of its own accord. This is exactly what I always wanted to avoid, having it across my face, plain as day. This is the reaction I induce, repulsion.

"Should I try to talk to him? I want to thank him, for sticking up for me that first night, with Johanna"

"Yeah, maybe you should" something flits across Thom's face and he grins "he's working on the house, I'll take you over"

"Right now?"

"Yup" I barely have time to put the glass I was holding back before he's yanking my chair away from the table and out the back of the saloon. He slows to a more normal speed when I yelp after a jolt of pain shoots up my spine but still rushes across the meadow. After lifting me and the chair up the ornately carved steps at the front of the unfinished cabin, he knocks hard on the front door and runs away

"Thom wait, where are you … going?"

"God damn it Thom!" comes Gale's voice from inside "this place has windows, I can see you running across the field!" I think about leaving but literally have no way of navigating the stairs so lean forward and knock the door again "What?! Oh you?" he grits after yanking the thick wooden door open

"Ye, um yes … me. I'm sorry Thom kind of left me here"

"He did huh?" his voice is monotone, icy even

"Yes"

"Do you want me to take you back?"

"No dingus invite her in!" I don't turn but I know Thom is watching from the saloon and he's chuckling

"You want to look around?" the cabin is amazing from outside, it would be rude not to

"Sure". Having Gale push my wheelchair is horrible, I feel useless and embarrassed. A lot of that coming my way lately "so you built all this, from scratch, with your bare hands?" I ask, taking in the stone walls, hand carved wood and varnished floors

"I haven't finished it yet"

"It's lovely, homey" I add, focusing on the giant fireplace. From outside, the chimney is misleading, suggesting a fireplace just a portion of the size "this is beautiful" and it is, it'll be a perfect little home one day, all centred around this fireplace "and you carved all this?" I trail my fingers over the grains of wood that make up the stair newel, balusters and handrail. Each carved following the natural twist of the wood and spectacularly ornate "you have a rare skill, really more of a gift. I can't put it into words"

"You're one to talk" he answers gruffly

"Hmm?" he shifts awkwardly

"Don't you play piano?" piano, it seems like it was a lifetime ago, I played piano

"I did I guess" and then out of nowhere I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness, my faceless companion, who listened every night at the window. I'm stifled by the guilt I feel

"How uh- How are you?" Gale stammers, pulling me from my trail of thought

"How am I? Crippled, for now at least and feeling completely useless" he nods once

"Would you like to help out more? I know you keep badgering Haymitch about chores and odd jobs"

"I'd bail hay with Thresh if I could. What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing quite so laborious" he smiles. It's the first I've seen from him and I can't find a word to describe the effect it has on me "maybe no less tiresome though" if I knew him better I'd know whether it was nerves or boredom in his tone "what about keeping me company in here? When you have nothing else to do. Maybe reading to me?"

"Reading to you?" I find that incredibly intimate but can't explain why

"I used to like reading, just don't have time anymore. And you have a nice voice" that's a lie, my vocal chords are not yet healed and I rasp and croak every other word

"Hardly, I sound like a pipe smoker"

"Well it'll exercise your voice then, help you back to normal"

"I suppose you have a deal then"

"Great" he smiles again, and I can't believe I ever found him cold.


End file.
